Reality Bites

So, we all know Sarah jumped off the deep end recently (and into the arms of a Darrat -- who would've thought?), but neither Supahater nor Juju realized the psychological, social, emotional, and physical impact and/or damage it would have on them both. Here are schfifty-five reasons why Sarah should stop this foolishness (aka marriage aka leaving us) immediately:

Shwam) We all know this May wedding ain't gonna happen. No offense. That's why I'm only coming for a few days because I at least wanted to meet some cute guys....(named Ahmed of course!!!!) The sooner we can stop pretending, the faster we can get to watching Ali G at 3 am in your old house Sarah.

Doo) Who are we kidding? Abdulla can't support you by rapping his way through life! I mean, granted he's got some good beats, endless flows, and a clever way of insulting those who shall remain nameless, but rapping doesn't put food on the table!

Two and heif) Sarah, this whole marriage thing is really starting to put a strain on our friendship. I mean, gone without a trace for a whole WEEKEND???? WHAT YOU SAY? We need to have constant communication in case something magical happens. And when you are the WGL, we know that's pretty much like every .4 seconds. At least that's what he said.

Schfourteen-teen) Ahmed cried last night because he couldn't get ahold of his big brother and other bestest bud. I had to console him by telling him a story. But at least it put him to sleep.

Shfifty-five) Basically, you just need to get over yourself Sarah! In the hierarchy of important things in your life, it should look something like this:

Number 1










Number 2












Number 3












Number 4







So really, Sarah, let's get with the program and get the show on the road and put your right foot in and your right foot out and then snap, crackle, pop. Do it for the little people and forget about this marriage thing. Thank you.

The Best Valentine's Day Gift Ever

In an sudden and ironic twist of events, the best valentine's day gift also happened to be on the list of schfifty-five things NOT to get your valentine. I realize it's also upside down, but you get the idea. Now if I had two of them, I could at least say schfifty-five, but no....there is only one.

ReBUTTal

Wrestling Head Gear













Air Cooled Jock Strap











Regular Jock Strap













Obviously the mistake is understandable.













This mistake is not.

Chinese Advocate for More Yellow

In an anonymous engineering office somewhere west of the Mississippi, a chinese, former Communist Red China government employee speaking (as is interpreted by my source) for all of Communist Red China said, "You need a color...yellow!" The translation for this was that she wanted MORE YELLOW for the color printer in the office. Moral of the story, even the reds want MORE YELLOW.

Not a JockStrap

As a public service to those that will remain unnamed (but just so you know, its not Supahater) I would like to put a visual illustration of a wrestler's helmet. Hopefully, in the future, there will be less confusion on the issue:

Weekly Schfifty Five

This is a start of a new segment. It's kinda like Letterman's Top 10.


Schfifty Five Things to Not Give As A Valentine's Day Present


Shwam) Portable Stripper Pole

Doo) Edible Panties.

Two and heif) Blow-up Doll

























Scheven) Weight Watchers Membership









Schfourteen-teen) Penis Pump
























Schwenty one) Year's Supply of Midol

Shwenty seven heif) Hair Removal Wax

27) One Sock

37) Janet Reno Poster

WHAT YOU SAY?

Schfifty five) Food Dehydrator