"I wake up every day and thank God I wasn't born cajun."
"Chris Williams...(pause) he owns a cat...(pause) he must be gay."
"Chris Matthews is like that annoying, obnoxious kid in school that everyone wanted to beat up but couldn't because the teacher was looking out for him."
"When I was 6, I asked my dad what a Governor was because I heard something about a Governor on the radio. He told me it was part of a car engine that controls how fast it was. He hated politics. Son of a bitch."
After hearing a commercial for the Austin Jewish Festival on the radio:"The Austin Jewish Festival, that's almost as bad as the Austin French Festival. It could get worse though; it could be the Austin French Jew Festival"
Scene: Local Sandwich Shop
Shop Owner: Where is that lady that used to work with you?
Customer: Oh she doesn't come over here. She brings her own lunch...she's Chinese.
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